Pulling a Cortez

Get rich or die tryin’ – 50 Cent

Over lunch with a smart friend, I mentioned this fantasy I had a few weeks ago – of finding someone to replace me, turning over the reigns of the company, and just walking away.  I’ve vested enough so that when the company makes it, I’ll be just fine.  It was after a particularly long stretch of work, weeks and weeks of all-nighters.  Good stuff, mind you, but sometimes I feel like I’m in a marathon made of a series of sprints.

After I shared this fantasy, I stopped, looked at him, then burst out laughing.  “I can’t walk away,” I said.  “I’ve put all the money I had into this, all my waking hours, even my dreams are about work, and when I’m not working I’m still thinking about work.  I have no choice but to pull this off!”

Of course, the fantasy of walking away was just a momentary one.  You couldn’t pay me enough to leave.  As I look back at the choices I’ve made, the other opportunities I’ve given up – the ships burning behind me – even if I was to put my obsessive drive aside, I would have no choice but to move forward.

Crazy as that sounds, it’s a good place to be.  If you’ve founded something and taken it to its full conclusion, you know what I’m talking about.

3 thoughts on “Pulling a Cortez

  1. Hi,
    i was looking for a self help book…been suffering with depresion andexiety for about 2 years now..some day are bette then others..but last night i was looking up books for my kindle and i came across your book..i read the 1st chaper then fell a sleep.long work day not your book hehe..but whe wok up today i decidedto tell my self i love myself…sounded funny but i kept dong it all day.. my job is very stressful and demanding but it didnt matter today i just worked with ou stressng out…i kept saying i love you to myself all day… im looking forwoard to readin and learning and hopefully get better withmy mind , body and soul..im only 29 i cant go thru life unhappy..So i want to say thank you in advance and i will keep you updated..

  2. kamal,
    i have a poem you might like:

    Saving my life

    in this dull empty life
    i am living
    trying so hard
    to remember
    to breathe
    long and deep
    and often
    to feel
    the energy
    in my body
    to be
    present in my life
    the magic the gift of life
    in all it’s richness
    still exists
    isn’t only memories
    if only I notice
    if only I can be
    from this dreary
    middle-aged mind
    droning on and on with
    it’s god-damn opinions
    and judgments
    about everyone
    and everything
    ad nauseum

    somehow I needed to come
    to this emotional desert
    to grow up
    grieve out some accumulation
    become seriously self-sufficient
    and detached
    recognize how idealistic
    and unrealistic I’ve been
    my expectations of other
    people has plummeted
    and yet, a guy
    i’ve always found attractive
    greets me by name
    (i don’t know his)
    and my heart flutters
    my married acupuncturist
    touches my bare back
    and we both
    lose a breath
    with that dollop
    of the forbidden

    i finally get out for a walk
    and the seascape scenery
    burns a photograph in my mind
    that echoes
    the silent depth
    of my soul
    the words of another poet
    spilled across a page
    have opened me up again
    and i remember
    i can write
    to save my life

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